“It is unfortunate that even doctors have not discussed this from the point of view of women. We see billboards with low or high libido, premature or delayed ejaculation in men. But, but not even one mentions women with similar issues,” says Dr. H. S. Chauhan. He is a Sexologist, Dermatologist, and Medical Director of Twacha Dermatology Skin Cosmetic and Laser Clinic, Meerut, Bijnor & Najibabad.
He adds; it’s time that we discuss these issues with confidence among our patients and our life partners. Let’s not judge women for being like men and expressing their desires, because it is natural. What women go through may sound unrealistic to readers. Only the wearer knows where the shoe pinches.
When a man demands sex from his woman partner, it is normal. Even when it is excessive, we usually brush it off as “he is a wild animal” or “Good, he has an appetite” or “Oh you are lucky”. None of these quotes are exaggerations. They all are actual words from genuine conversations among women. But when the lady is asking for the same, we call her with names. Every culture has one for it.
We forget that human physiology is the same for men and women. Needs are the same for both men and women. They need to be addressed with respect without gender bias. There is nothing wrong with women with a high libido. There is no set parameter or count on the physical acts of intimacy. Our brains are different with complex interactions of hormones and neurotransmitters. It is physiological and sometimes there could be a medical reason. From OCD, bipolar disorder, depression, to the side effects of certain medications. But that is not unique to women only and can happen to anyone regardless of gender.
Women with high libido face challenges from many aspects. Starting with the very basic problem, finding the right partner. It’s hard for women with high libido to know if the partner is right for them to begin with. Nowadays, mismatched libido is becoming a more common cause of relationships sabotage. Sometimes it’s the only cause. Imagine when attraction leads to a relationship, only to discover a vast gap in the libido with each other. Nothing more to explain.
One more thing; Making babies has nothing to do with libido. Even artificial insemination can impregnate one. When women need what they need and the partner doesn’t get the cues; they have to make the first move. In most cases, the male counterpart will judge them for doing so, and it sets them off. Some men who accept this may get so lazy that they take it for granted and stop making efforts from their end. Guess what; this is when the cycle of rejection starts. The last thing a woman needs is a rejection, that too in the bed. Once this happens, the vicious cycle begins.
After rejection, if women take care of their needs in any other way, then men feel rejected. The mutual understanding disappears. It’s easy to say that women may find partners outside the relationship, but it’s not that common. It’s difficult to sacrifice a long, loving relationship. It is hard to find someone nice and caring, who can match their needs. It is tough to ignore the risk of STDs, pregnancies, social stigma, and rejection from family. What are the chances that the next person they find will not take advantage of the situation? What about social rules and family dilemmas?
Some men get confused with the demand and may think, how can she ask this? Or how can she have more appetite than me? Am I not good enough? Some may even say, “Honey, you will drain me down”? Some will not hesitate to go for her character assassination. All possibilities are actual and may lead to depression in men, too. Especially, if men cannot understand that women have needs too and they can be different. Like we all need to eat, but our appetites may differ.
The bottom line, Women should be able to ask and demand like men. The key to a healthy relationship is to understand each other’s needs. There is no need for gender bias and unnecessary finger-pointing.
